NOTE: The following giveaway ended
August 1, 2011.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Added 7/12/2011 @ 1:25 PM CST -- I have just discovered that if you become a follower of my blog and select to follow privately, Blogger not only prevents everyone else from seeing those members, but it also prevents me from seeing them. I would have no way to know that you have joined the site and consequently would have no way to enter you into the drawing for Norton 360. The only way I see to resolve this is to ask you to follow publicly. I was unaware of this when I originally posted the rules. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
If you have any other problems, please leave a comment below or email me directly at samrvs2@gmail.com
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When I got home from work, I saw that my copy of Norton 360 Version 5.0 arrived in the mail. My brain was suddenly flooded with Nerdium Chloride, which scientists have identified as the hormone responsible for compelling people to try to make the word antidisestablishmentarianism longer or to invent high tech double-quilted toilet paper that responds to voice commands. The effect on me was to focus my brain on a single goal: "I need a computer!"
I became so excited I stuck the DVD back into the mailbox, hoping it would boot up and begin running a virus scan. Alas, no. The only things that happened was the mail courier looked at me the same way the dog does when I ask her to whistle, and he said, "You okay Mr. Current Resident?" (see Just for the Ell of It)
"Yep, I just need my computer. Now."
"Oh...," he said. "I used to know a guy who kinda felt the same way about a big fuzzy comforter with a stain on it shaped like Utah." He backed up a couple of steps and moved his mail bag in front of him like a shield. "So, why don't you just go in the house and maybe lay down for a while? Take a load off. And avoid any sharp objects."
I'm pretty sure I haven't actually run since 2003. Clutching my copy of Norton, I zoomed from my mailbox to my office at about Mach 4. Immediately, I plopped down in front of my PC and began installing the program. The splash screen appeared, and I watched the little Norton arrow chase its tail while my brain generated such deep thoughts as "Ohhh, pretty!" and "Yellow!"
Then I realized something terrible. Something that would endanger this entire digital adventure.
I had forgotten to uninstall the freebie virus checker and all the anti-malware thingies in my system before installing Norton. Typically, two competing anti-virus programs get along with each other about like most of the guests on The Jerry Springer Show. The new application usually notifies the user of compatibility issues with friendly prompts like, "Get that Pokemon-looking, stanky piece of bloatware off my hard drive!"
Norton 360 did not seem to care.
I'm sure that if I had said, "Um, what about the other virus checkers?" Norton would have responded, "Is that what those are? Are they house broken? Come here, Freebie! Here boy! See the spyware? Sick 'em! Sick 'em, boy! Oh, it's so cute."
At this point, I became nervous. What sort of power had I unleashed into my system? This was my primary PC, the one hosting my family photos, my stories, my digital paintings, and my complete alphabetized and cross-referenced collection of redundancies, like "armed gunman" and "pink in color (as opposed to pink in height)." Although, that last one I did back up, because I felt it appropriate to have a copy and a redundant copy. (When my wife reads that last sentence, she's going to look up at me and say, "You're a dork, Dear. No, you're a gord -- a Geek, a dORk, and a nerD all rolled into one.")
It was too late, now, though. Norton reported that the installation was complete. I quite possibly had just given my innocent computer -- that for years has brought me emails from friends and family and animated GIFs of Hamster Dancing kittens -- the artificial intelligence to scatter to the four winds every "future plan," "harmful injury," and "hollow tube" that I had ever found.
The Explore button beguiled me, and I did click.
The main interface screen appeared. I saw that it was divided into four major categories of protection: World Domination, Download Your Consciousness, Make Google Your Bitch, and Global Thermonuclear War....
Okay, okay, that's not exactly what the screen said. It was more like: PC Security, Identity Protection, Backup, and PC Tuneup. But the idea is that Norton 360 offers powerful tools that are not only easy to use but also go well beyond a simple virus checker. (Although, I may mention the Download Your Consciousness thing to Symantec, because that would be kind of cool.)
I clicked World Dom...er, I mean PC Security, which opened a menu offering to Run Scans, Manage the Firewall, and launch Norton Insight. I chose the last one, but I am not sure why. I really don't like most insights that I receive, like "It's okay to eat one fat-free container of yogurt, but seventeen does not a meal make," or "No, we don't need voice-activated toilet paper." This was different, though. Norton Insight gave me a list of all my programs, how much resources each consumed, their threat level to my computer, and how popular they are. The popularity review I suspect will annoy my programs enough that they will either go into full Jerry Springer mode or maybe stage a West Side Story dance off. That's okay, though, under PC Tuneup there are enough optimization and cleanup applications to keep the conga lines short and the Cakewalking to a minimum.
There are more scheduled scans and automatic backups and reports and tools and doohickeys than I could possibly cover in one blog entry. Rest assured, though, that I probably spent hours clicking on every one of them. In fact, throughout the afternoon, I ignored my wife several times when she stuck her head into my office to say, "I hope by the time company arrives that you have quit repeating, 'That's cool!' and giggling insanely."
The only negative thing that I can say is that the backup took 3 hours. I'm pretty sure, however, that Symantec meant for you to backup things like your documents and pictures -- not your entire computer to an external USB drive. The poor thing did it, though -- all 244 gigabytes of data that it compressed into 94, which I'm pretty sure is roughly equivalent to the human brain section that holds the average person's collective childhood memories. (I suck at math, though, so I could be a little off on that.)
After it was all over, my computer not only runs faster but identifies whether websites in a browser search are safe before I click on them. It can even scan my Facebook Wall to make sure the links are safe.
I am a bit disappointed, though. I hoped my computer might suddenly become self-aware, and the printer, scanner, and other peripherals split off into Autobots and Decepticons. Oh well, maybe in Version 6.0.
Oh, and one more thing....
NOTE: The above giveaway ended August 1, 2011.
Visit the Symantec site and check out Norton 360 All-In-One Security: www.symantec.com
You will find details and videos about this and all of Symantec's award-winning products.
I encourage you to leave comments. Let me know whether you like this giveaway, and I might try to make this a recurring feature of this blog.
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IMPORTANT NOTICE: Added 7/12/2011 @ 1:25 PM CST -- I have just discovered that if you become a follower of my blog and select to follow privately, Blogger not only prevents everyone else from seeing those members, but it also prevents me from seeing them. I would have no way to know that you have joined the site and consequently would have no way to enter you into the drawing for Norton 360. The only way I see to resolve this is to ask you to follow publicly. I was unaware of this when I originally posted the rules. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
If you have any other problems, please leave a comment below or email me directly at samrvs2@gmail.com
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Simply Love the idea. Please do some more!
ReplyDeleteWell, that's one thumbs up. Thank you very much. Anyone else?
ReplyDelete