Have you heard of Fortunately, Unfortunately? It is a game invented in the 1980s by the National Puzzlers’ League, and I thought it might be fun here to follow whatever zany directions the story might take. Simply leave your creative additions as a comment, and allow at least one other person to respond before you comment again. Write an entire paragraph or a single sentence, but just remember that each new paragraph must start with either “Fortunately” or “Unfortunately.” I’ll start the first couple to show you how it works, and then feel free to take it wherever you like.
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The Second St. Baxter
Emma was right – she was always right, dammit – which is why she ignored the Garmin GPS rattling in the cup holder of her candy apple red Ford Escape. (She pronounced it “Excape” just to annoy Winston.)
Fortunately, even though Winston complained for the last twelve hours that he had to pee, Emma’s spirits glowed with the bright thoughts of her new job as concierge of the St. Baxter hotel and casino.
Unfortunately, in spite of the GPS pleading with her at least sixteen times over the last couple of hours to turn left at the next exit, Emma trusted her sense of direction, which landed them exactly 106 miles south of their intended destination. They arrived, ironically, at another hotel named the St. Baxter. Neither Emma nor Winston noticed. Both thought it peculiar that there appeared to be no casino attached to the hotel, but they would find it even weirder later that night when they discovered that the hotel was infested with flesh-eating phantoms. The first appeared when Emma opened the front door. The phantom appeared to be a human bellhop standing at least 6 feet, nine inches tall and presently leaping at her.
Fortunately, Emma is a little pudgy and asks the flesh-eating phantom if he can take a little off her mid-section.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the bellboy was unable to comply. He had met his end as the hapless victim of a luggage accident, which had occurred when Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, attempted to smuggle 80 pounds of illegal alpaca sausages through the St. Baxter, enroute to a Hell's Angels rally. Since that time, our poor bellhop has not been able to work up an appetite for anything quite as hairy or greasy as an alpaca.
ReplyDelete"Forgive me if I startled you, miss. It's just been so long since I could carry anyone's bags. We don't get many guests here since the Watergate incident."
Fortunately, that meant there would not be a lot of people around for Winston's rather bizarre game. He liked to play it each evening after two or three vodka tonics and a couple of pretty pills. Strangely enough it required an 80 pound sausage. Winston looked at Emma and smiled like a child at Christmas. Emma started to shake her head and back away. She knew what was coming. God help us all, she whispered.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the hotel was out of vodka. "We have some white cooking wine in a box," the bellhop stated, a bit embarrassed. "A group of Croatian immigration attorneys were through here a few years ago and cleaned out the bar." Winston sighed. He only had two of his pretty diamond-shaped blue pills left anyway. "Do you happen to have Red Bull and a set of jumper cables?" All the color ran out of Emma's face.
ReplyDeletethanks
ReplyDeleteFortunately, just then another phantom appeared. Carrying a set of handcuffs and a small wolverine. Which, Emma decided, might be preferable to listening to Winston snore.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, Emma quickly realized that the rest of the X-men were right behind him. With a loud sigh she let go of her dreams of Hugh Jackman. Then Emma began to wonder why all the X-men were there? Why was Winston cowering in the corner? And why were the flesh-eating Phantoms turning rainbow colors and singing "I'm a little teapot."
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the bellboy having not eaten in 30 days decided to have a go at Emma and Winston's bags.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, Emma grabbed her bag and said, "I think this is the wrong hotel. What city are we in?" The concierge said "We are in Split Log."
ReplyDeleteEmma and Winston both gasped. Winston gave Emma a, see I told you you would screw up look. Emma sighed and said "oh well it is late so we will just get a room" The bell hop grabbed their bags and off to their room they went. As soon as the door thudded open Emma gasped and almost fainted.
Unfortunately, Winston chose this moment to question whether "I'm a Little Teapot" had a second verse, and he stuck he head back out the doorway to listen for the phantoms to reach that point in the song. Emma, expecting Winston to catch her, was reminded what a hardwood floor feels like when it touches your backside at a speed of 32 feet per second per second. After squeezing out a tiny, "Ow," she said, "Winston, look at this." He answered, "But the verse is coming up next--Oh!" Winston saw that the walls were covered in paintings of Emma and him. Emma at her sixteenth birthday, Winston with his mother, Emma standing with the employers of her St. Baxter, and Winston holding an 80-pound sausage. Emma said, "We have to find out what this is about." "Yeah," Winston said, "but not right now. Look what is coming up the hallway."
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it was Winston's mother. "YOOOOHOOOO!!!!"
ReplyDelete